I’m Dead in a Zombie Apocalypse.


Next week marks 4 months I’ve been living downtown Toronto, Ontario, Canada on my own for the first time in my life. It’s been very exciting, educational, and a giant learning part of my life that I’ve wanted to do for a decade so I’m psyched to be waking up here every day.

It hasn’t been without some interesting moments though. The first week here my apartment’s door lock broke and my Super had to climb over the neighbours balcony to mine and break the balcony window to get into my apartment and replace the lock – I watched him all through the mail slot in horror! Windows been fixed now and my super and I bonded though, he even looks out for me now.

But the more time I spend in the city the more I’ve realized that I’m a sitting duck in a Zombie Apocalypse.

This isn’t a crazy thing to think about anymore. Even the CDC released a preparedness kit for it and I have been planning for years for any emergency but since moving here it’s really hit home that it’ll be very difficult for me to get out alive.

Where I used to live I had a full-proof plan. It involved some breaking and entering to get a proper weapons but I’m pretty sure I would survive at least a few weeks/months by retreating to an island that wasn’t far from where I lived and the area wasn’t very densely populated which would make it easier to escape.

Living right downtown is a completely different animal though and here are the reasons that I’m probably doomed even if I follow the Zombieland rules.

  1. Height. My apartment is more than 10 floors up. Too many to jump and also too many to make some sort of ladder to climb down with so I’m going to have to use my door. One way in and one way out leaves room for possible run in situations if my neighbours are already zombies.
  2. People. My building has over 900 people living in it and I’m on a mid-high floor. The stairs are for sure the way out, but I wouldn’t be alone and sure I would meet some possible zombies in the stairwell which leads to my next reason…
  3. Weapon. I have none aside from my Grandpa’s swiss army knife. Suppose should go grab a baseball bat out of my storage unit. Also probably a good idea to invest in something sharp beyond a kitchen knife.
  4. Outside is more people. Once I’m out of just my building, the street I live on has about 8 more buildings with equal to more residents living in them so even if I do make it outside there’s going to be some massive insanity going on on my street.
  5. Partner. I live alone. My neighbours are nice but they are families and therefore already have picked up their partners. My plants are great company and even having a pet would be fantastic but they are no survival partner.
  6. Car. It’s currently sitting on the 2nd floor of a basement, confined in a tight space is not the place to go when there are zombies on the lose.
  7. Traffic. If I do end up getting to my car and getting out of my building, I’m still downtown surrounded by traffic which will make it that much more difficult to take any route out of the city.
  8. Supplies. I’m pretty skinny and can’t carry much so I should stock my car up with some emergency supplies and make sure I have a bag ready to go upon the moment – should but haven’t done that yet as when I moved I purged a lot of stuff.
  9. Family. My Mom/Grandma are also in an apartment so even if I get as far as my car and to their place the danger is now doubled by getting them out of that apartment on the 5th floor.
  10. Fitness. If I have to run I’m dead. I can walk, I like walking but I know I can’t run to save my own life so if it comes to that I’ll get trampled (see picture, I was already eaten – it already happened).

Jess eaten by Zombies

In some ways I’m always prepared. I tend to always have my car’s gas on full, I always have canned goods and bottled water around and I even have written out a plan like this but those 10 things against me it’s going to be an uphill battle to make it out alive.

You may be laughing at this post but even beyond zombies it’s good to have a plan for a natural disaster as the plan would be the same (maybe minus the sharp weapons of defence). It’s always good to be prepared and preparation is always good to think about.

Do you have a Zombie Apocalypse plan or even an emergency plan? With Halloween around the corner there’s bound to be some zombies out and about ready to strike!